chapter 4.36
Warning: Very emotional ending!
August
I retreated to my music room to get away from everyone. Mom was being a total worrier about me and Beau and I just couldn't take the third degree from her about it. I played one of my grandfather's tortured songs, DESTROYED. It mirrored my mood perfectly. I felt destroyed.
I retreated to my music room to get away from everyone. Mom was being a total worrier about me and Beau and I just couldn't take the third degree from her about it. I played one of my grandfather's tortured songs, DESTROYED. It mirrored my mood perfectly. I felt destroyed.
As I hit the hardest, most angsty chords, I crumbled as waves of the last day I spent with Briar tumbled over me.
I still could feel the wisps of her hair sifting through my fingers as we leisurely spent time together talking about our future. The Windenburg wind wasn't too cold in the afternoon and we basked in its sun.
"How many kids do you want, August?" Briar had asked me that day.
I laughed. Kissing the top of her head, I said, "You know I hate kids. None."
I shook my head, trying to stop the memories while focusing on the chords, but I just couldn't. Briar continued to haunt me.
She wouldn't leave the subject as we'd walked along the shore.
Nuzzling my shoulder, she said, "I want four kids."
"Four?" I lurched my head back. "Isn't that..."
"Excessive?"
"No...more like insane."
"Come on, August...kids are cute. I don't understand this war you have on them."
"Because...they're messy, stinky, sticky, and they demand all of your attention. No thanks."
She sighed, pulling away from me, but I tugged her back. Relenting a bit, I said, "I'd consider one. And she'd have to look and act exactly like you."
I remembered her lips, so pink and soft. Perfect.
I pounded my head, trying to drown out those moments. They tortured me--not going away.
Turning over, I let the tears dribble down my cheeks and cried, giving into my despair. I wished I would have told her I wanted more kids then. I did. When she'd said that, in my heart I'd agreed, surprising myself, but I was teasing her. Who knew it'd be the last time we'd ever talk about our lives? Maybe she wouldn't have left me.
What hurt the most was that she didn't believe in us enough to allow us to go to Windenburg together. She was scared. I get that, but why did she feel so trapped that she wouldn't let me help her? I had to face the fact that she just didn't love me enough. I would have done anything for her.
At that moment, I really thought it would all work out. That Daniel wouldn't tail us out of the country. That Beau would somehow forgive us and we'd go on as friends. The three of us, like always.
Shaking my head, I willed my brain to pull itself together. She chose to check out of life and now I was with Beau. It felt right with him. I shouldn't have messed with Briar in the first place. If I had acted on my desires for Beau when I first felt them, maybe none of this would have happened.
I was very grateful to have him right now. And I wasn't going to worry about our future. That was too far off. I'd decided the moment I'd started this with Beau that I'd take us one day at a time.
Wiping my tears, I pulled out my phone. "God, he's been gone a long time."
I called but it went straight to voice mail. "Hmm...that's strange."
I figured his phone must have died and maybe he was just messing around since he was just as sad as I was. I pictured him probably crying in a corner somewhere in the apartment, wishing I was there with him but too proud to tell me.
So, I got in my car and went over to his place. When I walked down the street, I noticed cop cars and an ambulance at Beau's apartment.
"Shit," I whispered, not comprehending what I was seeing.
Hoping nothing bad happened, I raced to the scene, panic beating my chest.
A cop stopped me as I went toward the door. "Sorry, son, but this is a crime scene. No one is permitted in."
Hysteria swallowed me, and I pushed him aside, yelling, "That's my boyfriend's place. Is he okay? What's going on? Let me in!"
Another cop ordered, "You will remove yourself from the premises. This is a crime scene!"
"Yes, son, we're sorry," the other cop added.
And then the words, "crime scene" and the caution tape all hit me at once. "Is my boyfriend okay? Where is he? Can I see him?"
The officer shook his head slowly. "I'm sorry to say...he didn't make it. Lost too much blood."
And from there I wasn't sure what happened. I babbled like a kid, mouth hung open, "That's not true. You've got to be wrong...I can't lose him...I can't..."
The police officer squeezed my arms and said, "I'm really sorry for your loss...we are doing everything we can to seek justice for this crime. If you have any information you could give us, Sergeant Moby over there would like to speak with you."
But I didn't want to talk to the police. I was beyond help at that point.
I didn't care about my life anymore.
I didn't care about anything.
I had no clue how I got to the beach. I just meandered my way there, walking for who knew how long. The tears would never stop.
My sadness would never go away.
"Beau," I sobbed. "Why?"
I knew exactly who did this to him. I knew. The only person who would commit a crime. Kill my Beau.
Daniel Fortner.
I vowed at that moment that I wouldn't rest until his cold, bloody corpse lay at my feet. I'd rot in jail for it, sure. It'd be worth it to kill him with my bare hands. I'd save a lot of people future misery if I took him out.
Shock hit me, and I couldn't stand up anymore. I just sat there wailing as the roar of the waves drowned out my cries.
Next update is on Monday, February 5th
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