chapter 4.34
Beau
The cathedral was cold and dark, but it was beautiful. My sister's hauntingly pretty face peered out from among the lilacs and roses, something she'd think was elegant if it wasn't for her memorial.
The cathedral was cold and dark, but it was beautiful. My sister's hauntingly pretty face peered out from among the lilacs and roses, something she'd think was elegant if it wasn't for her memorial.
The pain I felt couldn't be described. It was like someone ripped a part of me out with their bare hands and decided to leave me like that. Broken. Wounded. Empty.
How could I do life without my twin? It'd always been us against the world. Even when we lost our parents, things would be okay if we had each other. She was better than me. Stronger. I looked to her for wisdom and now I was lost.
August did his best to console me. Always holding me. Always beside me. But it didn't help. He couldn't bring her back.
Two days after the accident, they'd found one of Briar's boots on a shoreline. A week later, her underwear. They said water made the body decay much quicker and that's why clothing would be found. I prepared myself for other discoveries.
That asshole who might as well have killed her with his bare hands was suffering, too. He loved her. Somehow in his twisted way, he'd always loved her. I blamed him for this. She got control of her life, though. In that one desperate act, she had the final say.
I just wished she would have talked to me about it. I would have told her to go with August's plan. Run away to Windenburg. I would have promised not to be jealous. A part of me wondered if she felt there was no way out because she wouldn't act on her desire for August because of me. The guilt of it scewered me like a javelin. If I had it over again, I wouldn't have said a word. I wanted her happiness more than anything.
But it was too late. My wonderful sister was gone.
I'd been trying to stay at our apartment for that week before her memorial but afterwards, it was too much. I just couldn't live there anymore. She haunted me wherever I looked. August told me I could stay with him until we moved to San Myshuno for college. And we decided to go as soon as we could, shacking up with his uncles until it was time to go to our dorm.
But even with August's warm body beside me, sleep eluded me.
Until I finally drifted off.
I had the most vivid dream. We were all on Wilder's yacht, laughing and having such a great time. I was happy again.
All of our friends were there together--Amber, Etoile, Ethan, and my sister. It was like before any of this misery happened.
Only in my dream, August and I were together. God, I couldn't get enough of him. Couldn't sink into him more.
I rubbed my head on his warm face, nuzzling him. It was heaven. The feelings of our closeness couldn't be contained. I loved him so much.
And he loved me.
He kept kissing my face, telling me how much I meant to him.
Then Briar came over to us. August protectively pulled me closer to him. He was my boyfriend. In my mind of the dream, I felt guilty for it and worried she was going to cry but she didn't.
She said, "I'm glad it turned out this way. Since I can't be with August, it's only right you should be, Beau. You have my blessing. Don't worry about anything. Okay? I love you."
Then suddenly the dream spiraled away from all happiness and I saw Briar's sickening, tortured face as she plummetted to the ocean.
It was as if I'd pushed her overboard, but the instant it happened, I wanted to dive out and grab her. Save her.
"NOOOOOO!" I screamed. "NO!"
But I didn't save her. I saw her twisted body broken on the ocean floor.
I started wailing in my dream but no one was there to help me.
Until someone shook me. "Beau, wake up. Come on. Wake up now."
Reality smacked me in the face and I was lying next to August. Briar was still gone and I was still miserable.
"Are you okay?" August asked. "You were hollering."
I shook my head. "Bad dream. I'd pushed Briar overboard and saw her body smash on top of the water. It was...terrifying."
August took my hand, rubbing it. "It's just a dream. You're okay now."
A tear trickled down my face. "I'm never going to be okay, August." I whispered, as my throat tightened with more pain, "Never."
He stroked my face. It was almost like in my dream. He held my gaze sending shivers through me. "I feel it, too, but we have each other. I'm never going away. Ever. We'll get through this."
I shook my head. "You don't get it. Briar was everything to me and I took her for granted. I...feel so ashamed for the way I acted. I should never have said anything about your relationship. It was like I pushed her..." My eyes filled with tears again. When would this ache ever go away?
August wiped my tears then threaded his fingers in mine. "This isn't your fault. Briar did this. For whatever reason...if we want to blame someone, blame Daniel. She felt helpless....or confused...I don't know. But it was her choice. You had nothing to do with it. Please don't blame yourself. I couldn't take it if you pulled away from me."
I squeezed his hand, thankful to have him. "I won't pull away from you, August. Never."
He wrapped his arms around me and scooped me to him. Before I knew it, we were kissing.
Our tongues intertwined softly as our pain melted into one another. The feelings were so surreal. I was in misery, anguish, but he kissed me so tenderly, with such love that it was like cooling salve on an open wound.
I desperately needed him.
We just kissed each other like that for a while until I fell back to sleep and this time I didn't dream a thing.
*****
Siobhan
It was fifteen minutes passed noon. The boys needed to get up and start packing. Their flight was early the next morning and I had tons of things to get accomplished today.
Knocking on the door, I heard nothing, so I walked in on the sleepyheads.
The two of them had slept together countless times, but this was a first. It was obvious they were together--romantically. How long had this been going on? Had they always slept together like this? We had a no girlfriends spend the night rule. I never thought about Beau...as August's boyfriend?
Next update is on Wednesday, January 31st
Follow Day & Knight through Tumblr, Discord, or Simmers After Dark
