Chapter 3.43
Alex
Knight, my love. I can't believe you're gone. It's been two weeks and I'm already in hell without you.
We both had talked about what it would feel like if the other passed first. We assured the other that we'd look forward to the day when we'd be reunited, but nothing prepared me for when it actually happened. It doesn't matter if you know it's your future. Having to say goodbye to someone who's your world in indescribably painful.
I miss you so much.
Who would have guessed that pompous, rich, son of a bitch who burst into my garage that fateful morning would one day be my better half. My soulmate.
You were so mad at me for not fixing your car on time. It's funny to think of it now.
When you threatened to punch me, I was so scared. No one else could frighten me like that.
But then you asked me out. I didn't think of it as a real date, but somewhere inside I'd hoped. You were so handsome with your gorgeous blue eyes, perfect full lips, and rugged scruff--a face that melted me.
And then you showed up with that awful as hell hairdo. I had to try not to laugh.
But you listened to me, combing it back. I was smitten the moment you sat down at that classy restaurant.
And I probably talked too much, but you didn't seem to care.
When I got home that night, I knew I was in trouble because I wanted to date you, but you were straight and I knew you wouldn't accept me for who I was.
But I shouldn't have doubted you.
You felt our connection just as much as I did.
And when you assured me you didn't care if I was a man or woman, I knew you were something special. One man in a million. I was so lucky.
I'd never been more cherished. I should never have taken you for granted.
Every move you made was to protect me.
And I was a fucking asshole.
You put up with my whims, my self destruction because you loved me and wanted to make me happy.
Side by side, you were my anchor and I knew I could always count on you.
And then I got up the guts to ask you to marry me. And you said yes!
Nothing was going to get in our way.
Except for me.
That horrible night is my biggest regret. I'd almost hurt you and I was losing my mind.
You have always been my knight, saving me even from myself.
And then I crushed you.
I thought I'd never see you again, and I tried to convince myself all those years I was doing it for our good. For your good. But it was a lie.
When you came back, I was so shocked.
I wished I would have wrapped you up in my arms. We could have had several more years together, but I didn't.
I watched you walk out of my life.
That killed me.
But worse was seeing you with another man.
He never belonged with you. Anyone could see that.
If I could do it all over again, I would have punched that bastard's wimpy face. I still want to lay him out.
But thankfully, you broke up with him. And then I got my big chance. I was so excited to see you, but you still hated me. Your eyes held such anger, I thought we were doomed.
But Jianna saved us. I'll always be thankful to her for setting us up again. It changed everything.
And then you came back to me.
I'll never forget the passion of that night. We both had years of ache needing to be satisfied with each other. It was blissful ecstasy.
And then the night of our wedding. I really didn't want to go. I had no clue. And I thought I could talk you into staying home and making love. Usually worked before.
But not this time.
You had other plans.
I was so happy to finally make you my husband.
And then we had Jackson. Our beloved son.
And next, our sweet daughter, Dakota, completed our family. Those were the best years. I'll always cherish them in my heart.
You were such a wonderful father.
And you still made time for us even with the kids bustling around.
No one realized how great a father you were. Whether playing with Dakota...
...or joking with Jackson. You were way better at it than I was.
Even in the hard teen years with both Jackson and Dakota.
You stood strong with me, trying to do the best we could as parents. Together.
But sometimes, no matter how hard we prayed for them. No matter how much we wanted the best for them, disaster struck our family.
You were there for me through it all.
We both agreed that losing Jackson was the hardest thing we've ever faced.
Thankfully, I had you next to me, helping me cope.
And be strong for our grandchildren.
I can't believe we celebrated our 44th anniversary only a month ago, baby. We joked that night what we were going to do on our 50th. You said you wanted to go parachuting. I laughed and said I'd do it with you.
I'd go anywhere with you.
Oh, God...why couldn't we just have a little more time?
